From the weekly spiritual reformation gatherings of Shaykh al-Hadith Mawlana Muhammad Saleem Dhorat (hafizahullah):

(In the majlis held on Friday 29th Feb 2008 the Honourable Shaykh al-Hadith Mawlana Muhammad Saleem Dhorat (hafizahullah) highlighted a few common practices that are prevalent today which cause much inconvenience to others and provided some guidance on these issues. Editor)

Some of what the Honourable Shaykh said:

Pretence and Superficiality in Our Lives

Nowadays there is so much pretence and superficiality in our lives. We have brought about this pretence and superficiality on ourselves and have, thereby, made our lives so difficult. During early times, and indeed if we look at the lives of our elders and the ulama, we see that Muslims led simple lives. Some of the ulama would stop at the homes of other acquaintance ulama that happened to fall on their way to a destination. The host would ask the guest whether he would like to eat. This he did without the least pretence and superficiality. The guest would reply with a similar degree of non-pretence and superficiality; if he felt hungry, he would say so. If not, he would thank and politely decline. Nowadays, when one visits another, the host asks the guest whether he would like to eat. The guest has got to say “No”. This is understood by both sides. They know that he has got to decline with his tongue even though his heart may desire to eat, and the host knows that his guest’s declining is not genuine, therefore, he must be asked several times. The ulama of the past would simply say what was in their heart without any pretence or superficiality. If the guest replied in the affirmative, the host would then ask whether he would prefer something cooked fresh or have food that was left over. The host would, again, reply without the least pretence or superficiality.

The Sunnah of Hospitality: Need for Common Sense

Nowadays, when some unexpected guests arrive, the wife of the host sees their arrival as a sudden burden on her – and quite rightly so. She knows that she would now have to spend the next hour or so in preparing ‘tea’ for them. In the past when a guest arrived ‘tea’ really meant tea. That is, a cup of tea would be presented to the guest and perhaps a glass of water. Now ‘tea’ means not the actual cup of tea, rather it means samosas and a variety of other savouries and snacks. The actual cup of tea is merely a small additional item. As soon as the unexpected guests arrive, the wife knows that she has got to interrupt whatever she was engaged in and busy herself in preparing all these savouries for them.

Of course, one should not disregard the important sunnah of our beloved Prophet of hospitality to the guest. For, indeed he had said, as recorded in the Sahih of Imam al-Bukhari (rahimahullah):

“He who believes in Allah and the last day, let him honour his guest.”

There needs to be a balance and one needs to use his common sense. The guest needs to be careful that he does not cause inconvenience to his host; and the host needs to be careful that, in order to entertain the guest, he does not cause unnecessary and inappropriate hardship to his wife and family.

Seeking Permission and Taking Leave

Another matter that one needs to be mindful of is that when he visits someone and wishes to depart, he should take leave from his host. If the host is informed by the guest of his desire to depart, he could say farewell to him in a proper manner. There may be things that he wishes to say to the guest before the latter departs. Some people, due to not knowing this basic etiquette, depart all of a sudden without any notice. Consequently, the host is left perplexed and worried, not knowing where the guest has disappeared to.

Many people do not know the etiquettes of speaking on the phone. When they call, they do not first ask whether you have the time to speak to them, or whether it is convenient for you to speak at that very moment. They would simply phone and begin a long conversation without any clue as to the condition and convenience or otherwise of the one they have called. There are yet others who, when in the company of other people, answer phone calls on their mobile phones and begin to casually converse with whoever has called them. These are inappropriate and rude manners. He is sitting with some person/people, yet he is ignoring them and engaging with someone else who is not even present in that meeting or place. This is similar to someone talking to you and you turning your face away from them and engaging in conversation with someone else.

(Transcribed by Abu ‘Asim Badrul Islam)